While I was driving down the road the other day (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed over a bridge only to see a cop on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait.<\/p>\n
The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know about, asked “What’s your hurry?”<\/p>\n
To which I replied, “I’m late for work.”<\/p>\n
To which he asked, “What do you do?”<\/p>\n
“I’m a rectum stretcher,” I responded.<\/p>\n
The cop was surprised and confused. “A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”<\/p>\n
“Well,” I said, “I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it’s about 6 feet.”<\/p>\n
Then the cop asked questioningly and cautiously, “And just what do you do with a six-foot asshole?”<\/p>\n
To which I politely replied, “You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge …”<\/p>\n
Traffic ticket: $95.00<\/p>\n
Court costs: $45.00<\/p>\n
Look on cop’s face … Priceless<\/i><\/p>\n
(Thanks Bart)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
While I was driving down the road the other day (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed over a bridge only to see a cop on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.riggedup.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/774"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.riggedup.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.riggedup.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.riggedup.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.riggedup.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=774"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.riggedup.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/774\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.riggedup.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=774"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.riggedup.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=774"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.riggedup.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=774"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}